Bits and pieces...

I don't have fun anymore. I try to, to no avail. I often attempt to do the same things that used to make me happy but I don't feel the joy anymore. The fun is slipping away and I fear it is for good. It wasn't like that before. It wasn't like that at all. I did have problems and issues but I was able to handle them and remain sane. This time I am feeling different. The deep core of my true identity is being masked with a thick sadness. It feels like a monster taking over my whole life. I used to have fun at work. I look around me now and I feel an overwhelming sense of solitude and dejection. The same faces that greeted every morning and afternoon are not reaching me anymore. I have somehow built a huge fence between me and the rest of the world and it is here to stay. How did this happen? How did I allow it to happen? Myabe I tried to resist and fight this tyrant called depression but it is obvious to me now that I am losing the perpetual battle. Which makes me even ...

I leave the world behind when I talk to my parents (or about them); it is merely the same thing to me. I release my connection to this world and delve in the memories that kept me going for so long after they were gone. It is no longer about the sadness and loneliness; it is about comparing my current life to the one I once had with them. Christmas time seems to be the hardest every year. And every year I prepare myself to face its music but I fail. I fail miserably. If only they haven't shown me a "perfect" world, a "perfect" family, a "perfect" love, a "perfect" everything, I would be much happier today. I can't say truly that I miss them. I don't. I never have for they never left me; not even a moment of my monotnous life. I look around me and tune in to conversations about holidays, families, and parents and I shrug my shoulders. I don't have that privilege anymore. I can't say I am going home to my family and spending my...

Sine June 2007 Gaza has been under siege by Israel. Israel has been preventing the import of food, medical supplies, fuel, electricity and spare parts needed for water and sanitation systems.Nearly six months after the end of the Israeli Operation Cast Lead in Gaza, claiming more than 1200 Palestinian lives, destroying more than 50,000 homes, and leaving tens of thousands of Gazans homeless, Israel continues its two-year siege on Gaza, crippling efforts to repair damages caused by Israel’s assault. For five months following the intensive military operation, Israel scarcely let a single truckload carrying water and sanitation materials through. The need for materials to allow reconstruction is still overwhelming. Countless wells, cisterns, water pipes and sewage infrastructure were destroyed in less than a month. More than 400,000 Gazans were left without running water. Today, 35,000 people in Gaza do not have access to running water! Gaza’s Coastal Municipalities Water Utility has...

A year has dragged. A year has trudged along my existence carrying birthdays, holidays and celebrations. A year has lingered senselessly, pointlessly, slowly… Is it lovely where you are? Do you see me struggling, enduring, and surviving? Time has not begun to heal me. The scar is still lively and vigorous. When will it heal, mom? I still wait for a shining morning, a bright spot, a light at the end of this cold tunnel. Nothing. I still hold my daughter tight at night hoping to feel you, smell you, and grasp a sensation of you. I still look through old pictures, hug them, cradle them and sob for you. I still (so secretly) dial your number and wait, endlessly… The bitterness of this sadness is slowly eating at me, reigning over every moment, every memory, and every breath. So tell me mom, is it lovely where you are? Do you see the stars from where you stand? Because I don’t…Nothing seems to be the same. Not even the evergreens that I love. Through my eyes, they don’t stand in majesty and...