Bits and pieces...

I wondered yesterday as I was driving back from work on the Interstate 195 highway how many of the drivers speeding by noticed the gorgeous trees with their myriad colors? I wondered how many noticed the uniqueness of their short-lived beauty? It seemed like everybody was rushing somewhere, hurrying to reach a destination, oblivious to the remarkable paintings on the sides of the roads. And I wondered how we all go on with our hectic, fast-paced and intense lives without noticing the simple beauties and pleasures of nature. The foliage, in its vastness, is a modest reminder of what happiness can be in our life; natural, free and embracing. We search for it for years. We spend eternities dreaming about it, and we find it and, if we find it, in the simplest things of our universe, in the little places we never looked before, we walk away, unstirred. Just like these wonderful trees. They are there, standing tall in the middle of our world, reminding us of the beauty of life in all its col

Have you ever walked on frozen mud? I have, yesterday. And I thought how lucky I was to have a frozen shield protecting me from the sticky dirty element underneath. But as I confidently walked, I reminded myself that the mud is going to be there tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that, frozen or not. It then hit me how this path was similar to our walks of life. We often repress our true feelings, issues, anger, opinions entangled with our dreams, goals and aspirations under a frozen layer of a mandated attitude. This is so common among women who are sensitive by nature and selfless by example. How often do we choose to avoid the “mud” in our lives because it is sticky and it might get messy and ugly and because we don’t have the support we essentially need to help us get out of it and clean it up? We inevitably resort to ignoring our honest feelings and we go on –reluctantly or not- looking away from the roots of our problems and obstacles and we so well cover it all up wi

It is this date again. I dread and cherish it with the same passion. I don't know how to avoid these feelings anymore. Sometimes, I want to surrender to them. Three years and I still find myself at the same place. The fear, the solitude and dejection spin me in a world of confusion. She left three years ago and I still cannot overcome my inner void. I re-read the poem of "death is nothing at all" over and over and I stop at every word "she is around the corner waiting" and I find myself hoping to get "there" sooner than later.. What if she gets tired of waiting? No one else would wait for me, not even the living. This mom I had was extremely special. It would be hard to explain our relationship in a lousy essay but the contradictions of what it brought to my existence explain it very well. I never had a very close relationship with my mother. She was always busy with her work and my other siblings but she never missed to inspire me through her dedicat

I don't have fun anymore. I try to, to no avail. I often attempt to do the same things that used to make me happy but I don't feel the joy anymore. The fun is slipping away and I fear it is for good. It wasn't like that before. It wasn't like that at all. I did have problems and issues but I was able to handle them and remain sane. This time I am feeling different. The deep core of my true identity is being masked with a thick sadness. It feels like a monster taking over my whole life. I used to have fun at work. I look around me now and I feel an overwhelming sense of solitude and dejection. The same faces that greeted every morning and afternoon are not reaching me anymore. I have somehow built a huge fence between me and the rest of the world and it is here to stay. How did this happen? How did I allow it to happen? Myabe I tried to resist and fight this tyrant called depression but it is obvious to me now that I am losing the perpetual battle. Which makes me even